The day my heart broke for the first time.

I thought long and hard on whether I wanted to write this post. I had so many thoughts in my head, that I needed some place to put them all down.
I started this blog with the intention of sharing real thoughts, real opinions, all written by a real girl. I was so caught up with all the beauty posts that I forgot things that mattered. Recently, I have been through things that have totally changed me and my way of thinking. I realized what was really important, I also saw true, eternal love for the first time, I also felt my heart break into pieces for the first time.
 Those of you who follow me on Instagram and Facebook may already know, that my grandpa was admitted to hospital last week with a high fever. He was then diagnosed with Tuberculosis a few days later. With many existing health issues, my grandpa was sent to the isolation ward. 
Today was the first time I saw him since he was transferred, and I knew it would make me devastated. 
We saw his face through a television, with a camera propped on top of it so he could see us too. There were technical difficulties with the sound, plus my grandpa's hearing was increasingly weak - he could barely hear us. 
We kept shouting words of encouragement, how much we missed him, and how much we wished for his speedy recovery. All he asked for, was to speak to my grandma.
When she spoke, my grandma was like the little girl who fell in love with a handsome marine officer. With tears streaming down her eyes, she reassured him that she was taken care of by us, and that she missed him so, so much. All he said was 'I love you', over and over again. Grandma cried even harder, and I tried to resist my tears. At that moment, I could feel my heart shatter into pieces - I knew it did. 
The image of grandpa crying, telling her that she must stay strong, and that he loved her a lot, stayed in my mind for the rest of the day, even up until now. And each time I thought about it, it felt like someone pinched my heart hard. The next time I thought about it, my heart was pinched harder, and my eyes begin to water. 
I witnessed love like I have never seen it before. All these years, all I've heard from grandma is her complaining about how being married to my grandpa made her live a poor, meaningless life. Yet here she was, telling him that she loved him so. It made me realize that people really do lie about how they feel, just because they can't bring themselves to speak the truth about love. Why should love be a secret? Why do we stop ourselves from saying we love someone? It is only 3 simple words, with such a strong meaning.
What I learned today was love really exists, and that if given the chance, I would tell my grandpa I loved him every single day. He deserves to hear the truth.
If you are still reading, please kindly pray for my grandpa. 
I wish I gave him more hugs, I wish I told him I loved him, I wish I shared more of my life with him. 
I love you, grandpa. 

2013 to 2014.

I thought long and hard whether or not I wanted to write this blog post. Mainly because my blog is due to expire in a couple of days and I wasn't sure whether or not it was the right decision to renew it. 
I read an article the other day which was titled "Are you a blogger, or do you have a blog?". I'm pretty sure I just own a blog, but I'm definitely not a blogger, nor a good one at all. 
However, the thought of not having a platform that consists of mainly writing, led me to the conclusion that I will regret closing down this blog. Much as I love making videos, I LOVE to write. I guess it's the fact that I have to update my three YouTube channels each week takes the toll sometimes, and I just neglect my blog by listing it as my last priority. 
However, those of you who enjoy reading my blog will be pleased to know that I will be renewing this blog, and I will be making it a resolution to update this blog at once a week. Whether it be beauty-related, fashion-related or just writing pure nonsense - it will happen, starting with this one. 
2013 was a year of many firsts. From reaching 1000 subscribers in June, to now reaching past 7000 - it has been such a rewarding journey. By no means do I see myself as 'successful' by getting to this point. I have such a long way to go. But as a subscriber to many channels myself, I know how difficult it is to get even just one single person to hit the subscribe button. I, myself, dislike clutter and if subscribing to channels means cluttering up my Subscription Box, then I do not subscribe to any channel. I subscribe if I like what I see, and I'm pretty sure many people out there are just the same, which makes me flattered and thrilled to have 7000 people clicking the little red subscriber button. 
In relation to my personal life, 2013 had its ups and downs. The best part was probably graduating with a Distinction from my grad course in Fashion Management at the London College of Fashion. The worst part was leaving London. 
My boyfriend and I started our long-distance relationship, and adjusting to the pace of Hong Kong was definitely a challenge. 
For 2014, I want to be better. I was inspired by my grampy to be more selfless - to think for others rather than myself. I want to be closer with my family, especially my siblings, and to take better care of my parents. 
I want to overcome my fear of crowds and going out on weekends. I can't imagine how much I've missed out on just because I feared driving to unfamiliar places. I want to catch up with old friends, and make new ones. 
2014 is a year of experiencing new things, overcoming fears and setting new challenges for me. What about you?

© BETHNI.COM

This site uses cookies from Google to deliver its services - Click here for information.

Professional Blog Designs by pipdig